Warning: All notes, biographical and otherwise, are not necessarily dead, spot-on. In fact, it's possible that the author has taken great liberty, stretched a truth or two, and even made things up out of the thin, blue sky.
Here's a veritable rogue's gallery. From left to right, Rino, Gila Monster, Zapata (or Zorotilla, or tortilla, or whatever he's been calling himself lately), and the Face Licker.
This is Wayne. He's the quiet one. Not actually enrolled on the AbbeyWeb, he reads over his wife, Gail's shoulder. The rest of us assume that, with Gail for a wife, it's no wonder he's quiet. But she says it's actually just because of his confidence and superiority that he doesn't need to speak up. Sure, Gail may wear the hiking boots in that household, but Wayne wears the pants.
I wonder just how much strife I can cause with these comments.
This is Gail, AKA Liag, Laig, Gila Monster, and various and sundry other nicknames. Some of us call her Pippi Longstockings. Ask her about that one.
Anyone who's been subscribed to the AbbeyWeb has read Gail's words of wisdom, vitriol, and occasional nonsense. A few folks have dodged her blue ribbon pinning ceremony (which involves spiking a "phuquing" blue ribbon to someone's forehead. Some of us have been forced to pry her claws from the scalps of unwitting newbies and literary types. She used to have a wonderful running battle with Cindy, but Cindy has sort of unsubscribed. I say sort of, because you just never know when that old Email address will pop up in the inbox again.
Anyway, Gail's lots of fun. Here she is waving in her inimitable style.
Gunther is another fairly quiet one in person, although he can be somewhat voluble when we get going on the list. He loves photography, as you can see in this picture. It's a shot of him taking a close up of the top of a post. You know, one man's fence support is another man's art. Here are a few of the shots he took. Amazingly enough, Sgt. Kat and I are in most of these.
This is Steve, AKA RinoGuy. A lot of folks have asked how he got that name. Unfortunately, due to the poor quality of this scan, you can't really see the namesake. But trust me, it's VERY noticeable in person. I wonder, often, just how such a thing can exist. I mean, you read about it, but you never really believe it until you experience it first hand.
It is no coincidence that Rino has a lot of experience with zoo animals. Now don't be so fast to judge. But I understand that his latest involvement was of the ursine persuasion. Makes you wonder.
Ahhh, Moan-eek! Or, Monique. Sometimes called Buzzard Bait, due to her penchant for disappearing alone into the desert. Or, perhaps best known as Face Licker! On the list, she may come across as a voice of reason blowing like a calming breeze over the sea of controversy. But the fact is, plain and simple, she's an instigator extraordinaire! No flame is allowed to die down without the face licker blowing the breath of life across it.
I heard something about her thing for underwear also, but I don't really know the whole story. I could just make it up, but I'm doing enough fiction for one day just writing these bios.
Monique's guy friend. I can't remember his name. Sue me. But the sheer grace of this man was astounding on the day I first met him. He imitated the mating dance of the drunken, one legged crane with aplomb. . right down to the final, climactic flat-on-his-back splash in the marsh mud. He had a comptetive streak too, based on the rather aggressive bird counting contest he had with Sgt. Kat.
Terry and his accomplice. . .I really don't know these two all that well. I'm not even sure they were part of the gang. Doc's home brew has a reputation, and I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that these folks just showed up looking for freebies. That they also followed the rest of us out to Bolsa Chica is testament to the bonding power of that brew. . .or else it was just on their way home.
Sgt. Kat is my second in command. With an amazing control and finesse, she piloted the tactical vehicle back to base camp, in spite of the life-threatening wounds I had sustained in our futile raid on Doc's catacombs. Ah, the lure of homemade kalhua (SP?). . .what risks we shared that night.
I must add, that Sgt. Kat kicked Monique's guy friend's (I really wish I could remember his name) behind in the bird spotting competition. A fierce competitor in her own right, she only pulled ahead with her identification of the rare, Eurasian Bald Pintailed Ruddy Mallard at the last minute as we headed for the pizza joint.
Chupacabra, or Goat Sucker (for the linguistically impaired), added just the right psychedelic touch to the outing, much as he adds that touch to our list. So often, when things get heated up. . .or if the discussion drags. . .Kent will toss out a delightful tidbit of arcana or just plain BS to remind us all of our cosmic roots. When you least expect it, it's likely to be the Goat Sucker who steers the chatter back into the realm of Ed Abbey.
The Littlest Abbeyista, daughter of our own Goat Sucker, is a wonderful addition to the gang. She alone kept us going on the brutal hike through the wilderness that is Bolsa Chica in the blazing Southern California sun. Without her perky nature and cheerfully piping voice, I doubt we'd have made it back alive.
Here's that guy again. What the hell he was doing here is a mystery to me. I heard he also stained Doc's favorite Super Bowl chair, and tried to cover it with the Karl Marx poster from his truck's dashboard. Disaster seems to follow wherever he goes, so the gang is probably glad to hear he's currently exiled way up in Northern California for now. Damned freeloader, storm crow, rabble rousing, pain in the ass.
Connie deserves higher billing here, since she's really the one who's doing all the work to save Bolsa Chica. The rest of us were just cheerleaders and tourists. She doesn't have a lot to say on the AbbeyWeb, but when she speaks, it's usually relevant and informational.
Can you tell I'm getting tired? I'm down to the last one now, I think. This is the second littlest Abbeyista. He accompanied our photographer friend, Gunther, and is probably related. . although after watching Gunther studiously photographing that fence post. . .well, would you claim kinship?
Got a problem with something I've said on this page? EMail me and I'll take it off right away. It's all just for grins, ya'll.
